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TOPIC: R4: 13th Age - Adventurer to Champion and beyond!

R4: 13th Age - Adventurer to Champion and beyond! 8 years 8 months ago #716

  • mikeawmids
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Just to clarify, are we on for board/card games tonight?
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R4: 13th Age - Adventurer to Champion and beyond! 8 years 8 months ago #717

  • Val
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Yes we are. I will bring ticket to ride but feel free to bring something if you want to.

See you later.
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R4: 13th Age - Adventurer to Champion and beyond! 8 years 7 months ago #721

  • Bane
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“What’s the plan then?” I ask

“If we blow this bridge, then the army won’t be able to cross!!” says Brian helpfully.

“Right so let me get this straight. Your logic goes, an army possibly tens of thousands strong will march to this very spot and see the bridge has been taken out and go “Oh no, what on earth shall we do now. Humph there is only one thing for it disband and go home, foiled by a bridge that was only two people wide.” I say

“Sounds about right” says Brian

A gentle “phut” sound is emitted as air that was enjoying itself in its gaseous form uninterrupted other sound waves passing through it, the odd neutrino and quark, possibly some dark matter, the occasional insect, wind and of course force created by heat was suddenly and unexpectedly forced out of the space it had been occupying and replaced with the figure of Strensversi. It also had the cool effect of blowing Rasmus’s hair just enough to look heroic.

“Hello Lads” says Strens jovially

“Good whatever time it is Strens” says Rasmus.

“Flying visit I’m afraid. Need to borrow a couple of things that alright? Good.”

“Er yeah, I suppose what do you need” asks Karl

“These two, thanks a mill, you’re great. Toodle pip” and a loud bang erupts as the space that was occupied by Strens, Brian and Hurl is suddenly vacated and a veritable vacuum is rapidly filled by the surrounding air. It alos had the effect of blowing Karl’s hair, which does look a bit like a lavatory brush after use, and making him look scruffier than he did before.

“Aha, good old Strens, there’s a guy who knows how to increase morale” says Karl.

“A definite improvement” I agree

“Now we have to face an army without Brain or Hurl, looks like the odds have moved in our favour” Ramus’s concurs.

“May I suggest we leave this bridge in peace and go and find ourselves a general” I ask and both Karl and Rasmus agree and we move off. We travel for a few days all the time heading North and the weather is getting steadily colder and wetter, and then the rain is replaced by snow. It is time to put my knitted booties on, and possibly a scarf.

“Brr it be chilli here” says Karl, who is dressed in leather but is not wearing a shirt, because Barbarians don’t wear shirts.

“At least you have leather, this bloody plate is freezing, my nads are frozen to the inside of my armour” says Rasmus dithering.

“If it’s any consolation, it is quite nice in my papoose with my blanky, scarf, and bootie’s on” I inform them.

“You can go off some people you know!” growls Rasmus.

“Here let me help” I say

“Ow, OW, OW, ooh, oooh , AHHHH, Thanks Gandolt” as steam rises off Rasmus’s armour.

“Nothing to it, glad to help”

“Er” Karl looks at me hopefully.

“Thought you said Barbarian’s didn’t feel the cold, the same as they don’t feel pain, hunger, thirst, or heat exposure” I say to him.

“Er yeah that be righ’” says Karl who seems to think it is talk like a pirate day.

I hear a noise, a noise of thousands of voices talking, and laughing and it is coming from just over the ridge, the ridge that is only a few yards away. Karl and Rasmus seem not to hear it. The first thought through my mind is it may be a bit of a jape if I don’t inform them and let them march straight into view of the army. The second thought is it would be very lonely and nigh on impossible for me to complete this without them. If only Brian and Hurl were here, leading us, I could have my cake and eat it!!!


“STOP!!” I say quite loudly but not shouting and they turn and look at me “Take your helms off and listen” and I mime taking my hat off. They do and they hear the noise.

“Argh, maties I’ll go an’ check this out” and Karl gets down on the floor and crawls to the ridge to gather intel. A short while later he crawls back. “There be many of them”

“Does many equate to a number?” asks Rasmus.

“Possibly, it be hard ta tell, there be many, many of them” says Karl.

“If you want something doing, do it yourself” mumbles Rasmus, moving forward cautiously. He takes a look and comes back. “Many, you said many”

“Ar I did you land lubber”

“There is at least thirty thousand Orc troops here” says Rasmus gesticulating over the ridge

“Tha’ be righ’ many, many”

“Gandolt we need a plan”

“Maybe I could disguise us all and we infiltrate the camp.”

“Tha, be risky, ah love it”

“Hold your horses captain, maybe we need more information” says Rasmus.

“What do you mean, like a patrol group, that we take out capturing one and questioning them till we learn information about the General and where they are”

“Yeah, that’s the kinda thing” agrees Rasmus

“In that case you are in luck such a group is behind you” I tell him, both Karl and Rasmus spin round and we are facing three burly Orcs and one more riding a wolf. I cast a spell but the cold must have gotten into my bones as it fizzles out, and they close on us. The battle is swift and Rasmus has managed to knock one Orc out, one that Karl in his rage was going to kill till he tripped over a tree root and knocked himself out. We took our fair share of punishment from these Orcs and they put up a good fight. We move back to a quieter place to extract information from our soon to be informant. When an axe flies through the air, arcing past the three of us, cutting the very front hair on Karl’s brow and killing the captured Orc outright, we spin round to see who this new assailant is, only to find very large Orc waving a white flag.

He says in a very deep voice in guttural common “The Orc Lord, has a message for you. Go to Ironvale kill all the orcs there, leave a trail leading to ghghtfhr, the Genral will come to you”

“Sorry I missed the name of the second place” I say

“ghghfthr” and the Orc collapses on the floor dead.

“I thought that’s what you said, did anybody get the name of the second place” I ask

“Yes” says Rasmus “How far is it to the Ironvale, Karl” he asks.

“Ah, the Ironvale from here” and Karl starts drawing in the dirt.

A short while later “Done yet?” I ask

“Nope” replies Karl.

A while later still

“How about now” I ask

“Not quite”

A much longer “while later”

“Ready now?”

“Err, yeah ready now” he replies, we go over and he has drawn a work of art on the floor with his finger, the detail is staggering the vine leaves around the edge have veins and each one is unique.

“That is quite possibly the best map I have ever seen” says Rasmus.

“All that time spent in your cell wasn’t wasted then” I say and Karl shudders at the memory. Rasmus and I take in all the detail but more importantly the map and the path.

“It seems a shame, but alas” and Rasmus rubs his foot all over it destroying it forever.

We travel further and further North, travelling through precipices where Karl his axe and some rope saved the day. Freed Rasmus’s tongue from his shield after it was frozen to it, and used Rasmus’s shield as a toboggan to escape two angry Yetis’s that Karl managed to upset.

“Well that was entertaining, never a dull moment with you two is there” I say “It doesn’t look as good as it did in your drawing Karl” I tell him.

“No and that hole in the wall wasn’t there either” says Rasmus

“I rather fancy that’s how they breached the defences Rasmus” I say.

“oooh”

There are quite a few Orcs’ stationed outside the walls of the Ironvale, they are throwing dwarven bodies onto a burning pyre, this causes Karl much ire.

“How about we get a boulder and roll it down the hill at them” says Rasmus.
We search round for a suitable sized piece of stone and put our efforts together to move it. Karl and Rasmus are pushing as hard as they can, and I am giving them encouragement.

“Put your backs into it you lazy curs” and things of that nature, when the bolder moves and starts rolling down the hill gathering speed till it gets stuck.

“Hmm maybe we could free it” says Rasmus.

“A little too close to them, it wouldn’t get enough speed up now” I reply

“I’ll run at them and you can come in later” says Karl.

“Tell you what, you two wait for my signal, when you see it, come running” I say

“What’s the signal” asks Karl

“You’ll know when you see it” Chronos and I start down the hill, the closer I get the more the Orcs seem to band together shouting at me.

“HELLO, CERTAIN DEATH AWAITS YOU ALL” that really gets them going at just the right distance I stop walking. The orcs advance slowly and many of them are blown back by “Vance’s fiery inferno of Beelzebub’s death fire” a few of them are killed outright and others run around on fire. The band stopped playing and the remainder start to rush towards me, as Karl and Rasmus rush past me and engage with orcs. All in all a well executed plan, a first for us.

This fight is much harder and we throw everything we have at them, we are victorious but the cost is great to all three of us.

“I’m all out of powerful spells guys” I tell them

“Me too” says Rasmus

“Not feeling to good myself” says Karl. Then we hear them, more Orcs, in fact if Karl was counting many more Orcs inside.

Rasmus sighs “Not rest for the good eh. Gandolt we need a plan”

“What are our liabilities?” I ask

“There is but one working castle gate, still shut and a hole in the wall created by something, and it is guarded by... many Orcs.” Says Karl

“And our assets?” I ask

“Your brains, Karl’s strength, and my steel.” Says Rasmus

“That's it? Impossible. If I had a month to plan, maybe I could come up with something, but this” I shake my head.

“Hmm. My brains, his steel, and your strength, against many Orcs, I mean, if we only had a wheelbarrow, that would be something.” I say to no one.

“Where did you put that wheelbarrow that big Orc had?” asks Rasmus

“Over the big Orc’s head” says Karl grinning.

“Why didn't you list that among our assets in the first place? What I wouldn't give for a holocaust cloak.

“There we cannot help you” says Rasmus

Karl pulls a cloak out of his backpack “Would this do?”

“Where did you get that?” I ask

“At Strenversi’s place. It fits so nice, he said I could keep it”

(Thanks to The Princess Bride for a wonderful film)

A short while later

“Shame that was a really good plan” I say

“Yes, but we weren’t all brought up in a circus” says Rasmus

“Don’t get all uppity with me because you can’t walk with someone balanced on your shoulders, Karl was doing great and I was too” Karl nods his agreement with that statement.

“Right then walking in three abreast it is then” says Karl.

We walk into the fortress of the Ironvale, where we are greeted by twenty three very keen and eager orcs.

“Right then, fair is fair, Karl you take eleven, no I said eleven, no Karl no one mentioned elven, no, no. Okay twelve for you Karl, ten for you Rasmus and I’ll take the one at the back who looks like he is about to run”

This battle is tough, I am quickly surrounded by orcs, and I am unable to keep up with what is happening to my comrades. I blow the ones surrounding me back killing three of them outright and move to engage the next wave who are hitting us with ranged weaponry. I am quickly surrounded by more orcs than I can handle and they stab me with knives, almost killing me outright, enraged Chronos lashes out at one killing them and pours a potion of healing down my throat. I get up and cast colour spray targeting four of them and killing all four, that his the last thing I could do for my friends.

The next thing I know they are patching me up and Orc is strewn all over the place.

“Whew, that was a tough one Gandolt” says Karl.

“Don’t actually believe we did it” says Rasmus

“It is a relief not to be dead” I say

“I’ll make camp you rest up” says Karl.

To be continued…………….
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R4: 13th Age - Adventurer to Champion and beyond! 8 years 7 months ago #724

  • Bane
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A short while later I hear a scraping of the earth. Over to one side Karl is scraping at the earth with a tear in his eye.

“It’s a shame isn’t it?” Rasmus says to me.

“Yeah, I feel sorry for the guy” I reply.

“Let’s help him” says Rasmus, he turns round and starts collecting wood. A very strange way of helping I thought but what use would Rasmus be anyway its not like we had shovels. I went over to where Karl was brushing the frozen ground with his fingers and gathered my mystical powers around me. I bound them into the shape I needed, and a large ethereal shovel struck the firm frozen ground. This would be harder than I anticipated so I bound the magical energies tighter. This worked but had reduced the size to about the size of a normal shovel, but at least earth was moving. Meanwhile Rasmus had lain out the wood he had gathered on the ground and set it alight, thawing the ground to making it easier to work. After a couple of hours we had buried all the dwarves.

“Thanks ye land lubbers, ah appreciates that” says Karl. Who has either grown a third eye or forgotten about his eye patch as it is now sitting proudly in the middle of his forehead. Before Rasmus or I can say anything we are encased in a bright light and a disembodied voice booms out, in some foreign language, as I could not understand it. Karl comprehends it though and tells us.

“The Dwarven Lord, has honored us for burying the dead. He has granted us a favor each” he explains. This strange event is immediately preceded by another as suddenly a gold light hits the ground, a gentle breeze which would be pleasant on a summers day but in these weather was utterly bone numbingly cold, blew Rasmus hair in a heroic fashion again.

“Having fun lads?” asks Strensversi “Thought I’d better pop these back to you.” We look at where he is pointing and see Brian and Hurl.

“Both of them? Do we have too?” I ask

“Is there some kind of problem? Asks Strens

“We were doing so well” says a crestfallen Rasmus

“It was an improvement” agrees Karl

“I suppose I could keep one of them a while longer” muses Strens

“Done” says Rasmus

“Let’s not be so hasty there Rasmus. Which one?” I ask

“Flip for it” says Strens with a gold coin already spinning and flipping through the air, it lands on the frozen ground and bounces, Strens slams his foot down covering it preventing its escape. “Heads Brian, tales Hurl, okay?”

“Okay” says Karl. Strens moves his foot and it his heads.

“Best two out of three” I say.

A while later “Best of sixty seven”

A much longer while “Best of two thousand three hundred and forty three”

“Sorry lads Brian it is I have to go” and with a loud bang Strens and Hurl vanish into thin air.

“Hi Brian, good to have you back”

“Yes I’m sure”

“Good, Good. How was it? Whatever it is you were doing.”

“Alright, I suppose, can’t tell you anymore”

“Informative and insightful Brian. Right then lets camp for the night here and set off for the other place in the morning” a very quiet and pleasant evening passes and we set off in the morning straight after elevenses, which was straight after breakfast. Karl decides to be our guide as he grew up here.

“Right then you swashbuckling curs, this way” and sets off at quite a pace

“Er”

“Shssh not yet Rasmus” I say. Karl carries on

“Er K..”

“Sshh, Brian not yet” I say. Karl carries on, he has gone a good 400 yards when he realises we are not following him.

“And …….. now” I say, just as Karl turns round to see where we are. Karl turns and his vision is obscured by a large illuminated sign in front of his face, pointing to Brian, Rasmums, and I with the words “THIS WAY”. All courtesy of some minor illusions I learnt at the circus. Karl came storming back to us red faced whether from the cold or rage I wouldn’t like to guess.

“It’s be this way mateys” says Karl

“Actually I think you will find it is this way” Rasmus says calmly. You can see the cogs turning in Karl’s mind, he knows it’s this way, and he knows we know, he knows it is this way (confused hang in there).

“It be this way, I’m telling you”

“Tell you what Karl, you come this way and you can prove you wrong, either way it’s a win” I say, Karl digests this piece of logic and agrees. As we are walking and walking it is getting colder and colder. Karl is wearing a special balaclava with just one eye and the nose cut out, Rasmus is dithering in his plate mail and Brian is….. .Where is Brian. Turning round we see Brian has made a pile of snow and is busy spooning it.

“Rasmus, mmmm Rasmus” he mumbles.

“Think he wants you to save him” says Karl

“It’s the cold it’s playing with his mind” says Rasmus

“Sure” says Karl

“What cold?” I ask wrapped up in my knitted booties, scarf, jumper, onesie, blanky, and hot water bottle”

“Not the time Gandolt” says Rasmus.

“We’ve been sailing for hours me hearties, well set camp here” says Captain Karl. Rasmus unpacks the tent and starts building it around the spooning form of Brian and Brian’s snow Rasmus. I am not very helpful with erecting (Grow up) the tent. I usually help with the pegging but other than that I must admit to being a bit useless. What I am not useless at though is getting a good fire going, and within a few minutes the tent is up and the fire just outside the tent is raging we move Brian to the fire trying to bring some heat to his bones.

My fellow companions had a chilly and restless night, I on the other hand slept like a toasty homunculus.

We ate a hearty, although Karl kept saying a “Me Hearty” breakfast which he thought was hilarious every time, once the fun and frivolity was over we broke camp. We had walked for a few hours when we noticed the temperature dropping rapidly, suddenly two creatures one large one small that looked like frozen cockroaches attacked us.

The big one moved swiftly and cast some kind of natural magical attack at Brian and I. I was held immobile unable to move, but with shear willpower alone I managed to shrug off this assault. Brian stood there immobile obviously unable to break the spell on him letting the small one suckle on his head. Rasmus and Karl were already landing powerful blows on the big one, so I turned my attention to helping Brian. I attacked the little one with my crescendo spell knocking it back, it came back and slavered over Brian’s head like a child licking a lollipop “Shloop! Shloop!” Karl and Rasmus were dancing with the big creature and they had struck it several times dealing large damage to the creature but it still remained. I cast colour spray at the two creatures killing the little one instantly which exploded hitting us with shards of ice, I staggered back from this sudden and unexpected death action. Brian snapped out of his reverie, just as Karl put the big one down, which also exploded shards of icy dead cockroach struck the three of them knocking Rasmus out a final insult. The temperature suddenly rose, it was still bitterly cold but not as cold as it was when the creatures where here. Brian tended to Rasmus’s wounds and brought him back round.

We carried on walking and the weather got progressively worse and worse. We trudged on in single file one of us would take the lead for a while sheltering the others from the worst of the conditions. I even think Karl was regretting his decision that Barbarians don’t wear shirts. I was nicely sheltered in my papoose and I was second from the back when I noticed an absence of sound. What was the missing sound I mused, the roar of the wind, nope that was there, the sound of snow smashing off the material of the papoose, no still there, the crunch of footsteps in freshly lain snow, nope still there, was it the sound of Brian’s incessant moaning, nope that was defiantly still there. Then it hit me it was the sound of chattering teeth behind me. Chronos spun round and there lying in the snow was a lovely ladies bottom.

“KARL !, KARL !” I shouted

“WHAT YOU SCURVY KNAVE”

“IT’S RASMUS, HE IS DOWN” Brian and Karl turned round. Brian tried to pick up Rasmus but he was too big and heavy for him. Karl bent down and threw Rasmus over one shoulder, he wasn’t too heavy for Karl but he was too big.

“We have no choice but to push on” shouted Brian, “We need better shelter than that tent can offer”

Brian took point and I went second, behind me Karl carried Rasmus over his shoulder, unfortunately for Rasmus his head and feet dragged across the floor in the snow. We pushed on and the conditions got worse and worse. I secretly began to think we would actually meet our death out here, when Brian spotted a light in the distance. In one last heroic effort we pushed on towards it, this was our last hope.

A dilapidated building in desperate need of repair, came into view when we were about ten feet away from it, the visibility was that poor.

Brian pushed open the door and four Goblins that were playing cards looked at us. We were tired from the walk the conditions had slowly been sapping our strength and that fire felt so good, but brought home how weary we were. The Goblins looked at us, and I looked at my comrades, assessing the situation this was not good for either side. So taking control of my familiar I used Chronos to pushBrian to one side and said through Chronos.

“Look it doesn’t have to be this way. Truce till the storms over and then we all walk away?” I said hoping that this would work.

The Goblins looked at one another and discussed it quickly.

“Okay, if you share food” said one of them in broken common. We agreed to this simple condition, so they shared their fire and their fish head soup and we shared our rations.

The storm continued and it seemed to be getting worse, we were so lucky. Once thawed Rasmus stirred waking up and we hurriedly explained our bargain with him, he was not happy with the deal but would not break our word, so the truce held. It held for another thirty three hours, the storm must have been one of the worst ever, but when it finally abated we said goodbye to the our unlikely saviors and went our separate ways.

The going got easier and we had walked for about three hours when we heard a howl and three large wolves rushed at us.

They were obviously hungry from their forced hibernation taken because of the storm and they had taken the rather rash decision to attack humanoids. Snarling and slathering they attacked but we held our ground we stood in a circle but they managed to outwit Karl and they lured him out, and then it went badly for Karl as they attacked him as one, as a pack. This battle was going in their favour as they mercilessly attacked Karl, focusing their effort onto one target was an excellent strategy for them, I knew if that had of been me they lured out, I would have died. Karl was being hit and taking nasty wounds, his temper finally broke and enraged he lashed out at all three of them killing two and Rasmus slew the other.

We saw smoke rising from behind us and could make out the sound of the Orc army, which gave us an incentive to push on. We came to a bridge crossing a ravine. It would add a couple of days to their journey so we resolved to destroy it once we had crossed over it. The bridge was slippy and covered in ice from the storm.

I said I would cross first. When I was at the circus I used to have a long mat that was about the length of the bridge, it was made out of material that once water was on it was like ice. I used to run along slide on the mat avoiding the clowns carrying glass, moving vegetables, (you get the idea) and when I got to the other side I used a minor illusion to create a light show and flowers.

I ran at the bridge and slid but fell over, I tried again and again, it was getting embarrassing but on my next attempt I slid carrying a rope to the other side I performed the illusion spells but the failed attempts took the humor out of it. I quickly secured the rope my side and Rasmus did the same on his side.

Brian however was made of sterner stuff and didn’t need the rope. He ran at the bridge and slid off the side he managed to grab the side of the bridge and pulled himself up. Trying again and again he was having about as much success as I did. We shouting till we were horse for him to use the rope and eventually he did and he made it across and stood next to me.

“Tricky bridge that hey Gandolt”

“Yup, it sure is” Rasmus and Karl made it look easy; we set fire to the bridge and made for the castle.

The drawbridge was down and it seemed unguarded so we made to go across only to discover the reason why it was down and unguarded. The drawbridge was rotten Karl laid one foot on it and it went through splintering and crumbling. Lucikly though the storm had frozen the moat so we were able to traverse that particular problem fairly easily.

There was one Orc who was in the wrong place at the wrong time and he saw us enter the castle.

Rodger was an unfortunate orc, his mother was an Orc and his father a randy human that got carried away gambling and found himself at a brothel wondering what he could get at the brothel for his one remaining copper piece.

Gurthung (his mother) gave birth to twins, two boys one Half Orc and one a full-blown Orc. Because their father was human she thought it best to honour him and give them both human names. And so it was, he was called Rodger the Indignant, and his half Orc brother was named Tharl the Slayer. You can guess how his childhood went. Tharl left and joined a group of adventurers and they are experiencing much success and are well on their way to celebrity with songs being written about them.

Rodger had recently been promoted to toilet cleaner and this time he didn’t have to use his own shirt; things were finally looking up for Rodger. Tonight in the Great Hall they were playing pin the tail on Rodger and if they couldn’t stick it on him he was to become a General, “General Roger Dogs Body” they said. Rodger had just finished emptying the latrine by chucking it over the side of the tallest tower when he saw four humanoids enter the castle, seeing this as his opportunity to rally the Orcs and hoping to earn his promotion no matter if they could or couldn’t pin a tail on him. He reached for his horn to sound the alarm.

Rasmus watched the Orc reach for a horn and pulled back his bow, as the horn moved towards the Orcs lips the arrow arced through the air. It was the briefest of touches, the horn brushed the Orcs lips just as Rasumus’s arrow went straight through the Orcs ear killing him instantly. The lack of brain function made the Orc’s body go limp and tumble from the tower, just as some other Orcs had dropped some barrels of grog covering the noise. Unfortunately some more Orc’s were patrolling the bottom of the tower and Rodgers arm hit one of them in the face. They quickly investigated, after the storm he may have slipped to his death, but the arrow sticking through Rodger’s head in a comedic fashion was a bit of a give away.

“Some ones only gone and shot Rodger” said one of the Orcs.


Before any of us could react to this the Orcs drew their horns, but we were too far away, and they had too much cover to shoot at, it looked like we were about to have our element of surprise blown when we saw a black figure running down the side of a tower, moving at incredible speed, it was like liquid night jumping and sliding the figure dodged obstacles and threw two daggers at the Orcs which entered their throats killing them instantly. The figure flew past us and entered a golden light and disappeared.

“That looked like Hurl” says Karl,

“Nah, can’t have been” says Rasmus “He’s with Strens”

“I reckon it was, he did enter a golden light” said Brian.

“Can’t have been Hurl” I say “he swash buckled down the tower and killed the two Orcs. Not a tumble strike insight”

“Good point” said Rasmus, looking at the vacant spot where the black ninja had disappeared, “Thank you masked assassin whoever you are.”

“Right we need a plan” says Brian.

“I has a plan” says Karl and before any of us can say or do anything, Karl is running towards the side of the great hall with his axe in both hands over his head. He leaps at the barred window and passes through the bars effortlessly.

We move forward quickly and it becomes apparent that some magical effect has taken place. As small as I am I could not fit through those bars.

“You don’t see that everyday” says Rasmus moving towards the main door.

Karl lands on the table, snapping all sixteen legs on it, the Orcs that were sat round it eating are now sitting at a Kotatsu.

“Sorry ya land lubbers but Rodger be dead” With their meal interrupted, improvement to the dinning furniture and the news at the loss of this evening entertainment, as well as the Orcs natural enemy standing in front of them, they do the only thing they can. They quickly surround Karl and strike out at him with swords daggers and improvised clubs, which are actually legs of meat.

Outside Rasmus kicks the door in and runs in to the Great hall to aid Karl.

“No need Rasmus, it wasn’t locked” I say,

“I know” he replies, “it’s more theatrical this way”

“Ah, okay” Karl and Rasmus are surrounded by Orcs. Brian runs in aiding Karl by casting some healing magic. I move in and cast fireball at the large group, killing four Orcs.

“You could have killed Karl and I” says Rasmus who is only slightly singed,

“It’s more theatrical that way” I reply.

The remaining Orcs see a painful death at our hands or a chance to fight another day. They choose another day and run off.



To be continued…………
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R4: 13th Age - Adventurer to Champion and beyond! 8 years 7 months ago #731

  • Bane
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Karl chased the fleeing Orcs out into the courtyard and out towards the bridge, when he suddenly stopped.

“Let tha, be a lesson to you, and you lot can stop eyeballin’ me too. If you want some come and get some.” We moved closer to Karl to see what he was shaking his fist at. The orc army was here, camped on the plain before the rise of the ground towards the fort, and it was large there were many different banners and flags raised and blowing in the wind. The army that was amassed and encamped according to Karl’s counting was many, many, many, many soldiers, by my reckoning at least thirty thousand three hundred and forty four orc soldiers, all wanting a piece of the four of us.

Rasmus struck a heroic pose and said “That lot versus the four of us…..”


“Five of us, hardly seems fair does it?” said Hurl.

“Hurl, your back just in time for certain death” says Brian running over to him.

“Certain death for them you mean” growls Karl.

“Er yeah Karl, maybe we could send them a letter asking if they would be kind enough to attack us say ten or twenty a time on a every other day basis” I said.

“Standing round here won’t get the place defended” says Brian, he goes over to a large vat of oil and starts filling pots.

“It looks like they will attack in the morning” says Hurl,

“After breakfast I hope” I say

“Wouldn’t be right if they attacked before breakfast Gandolt” says Rasmus sagely.

“I’m going to make straw mannequins to make it look like a larger force is here” says Karl, in his normal voice and it is this flat tone and no accent that brings home the gravity of our situation like nothing else.

“I’m going to check the armoury” and Rasmus turns round and starts down the steps to the lower levels of the fort. Hurl starts cutting material and sewing it together to make the mannequins. Karl and I stare at him opened mouthed.

“What? Look at these clothes” Hurl gestures towards his clothes “aren’t exactly off the peg are they? To get midnight flowing like this you gotta make it yourself” a fair point well made. Once Hurl made the clothes, I stuffed the mannequins with straw and Karl placed them in strategic locations and posed them. After about an hour we have made fourteen (yes it does seem very quick, but Hurl can sew like a team of seamstresses who have to finish their work before they can see throw their wages at the strippers)

“Number fourteen Karl” I say with Chronos carrying our latest creation. On the battlements Karl has been busy, but not in a good way. The mannequins are posed in what can only be described as sexual positions, a few of the positions the creators of the karma sutra had not considered and one of them I’m not actually sure if it would be possible if you have ribs.”Er, do you think the sight of fornicating mannequins will strike fear into the hearts of our enemy”

“I think this is a complete waste of time, but it was better than nothing” says Karl.

“Er okay, let’s go back down and re-strategise” I turn and walk back down the steps and Karl follows me, just as Rasmus comes back up the steps from the bowls of the fort.

“Two hours to check the armoury, Rasmus? I expect a very detailed list” I tell him.

“What? No I got bored of that after about two minutes, I’ve been looking for secret passages” Rasumus says knowingly, like he has something to tell us.

“And?” asks Hurl

“Nothing, this place is secret free” says Rasmus beaming.

“And you are an expert on dwarven architecture are you?” I ask.

“I have a passing interest” Rasmus replies.

“Right well the only one doing something useful is, and it grieves me to say it, is Brian. And that is possibly because he cannot see this is certain death.” I tell them.

“That’s not fair Gandolt, there is a chance” says Karl.

“Okay there is always a chance but we need something in our favour. The five of us cannot stand out here and fight that lot. Hang on a second, I think I have the beginnings, neh the start of a formulation, of a plan……….. What if we set the fort to catch on fire and let them storm it, once inside we set fire to it……….Okay not my best, but…………….Okay, Okay…………….What about we find a defensible position two people wide that way they can only attack us two at a time……..no I’ll grant you…..no……I hadn’t considered that……..yes oil down a corridor like that would be a horrible way to go……….Okay I have no plan, I am plan less.”

“Something will turn up” says Rasmus

“SOMETHING WILL TURN UP, AN ORC ARMY THAT SIZE AND YOU SAY SOMETHING WILL TURN UP!!!” I shout. I calm myself and regain my composure “So the plan, and I am using the word plan in the loosest possible sense, is we are going with blind luck that and I must stress, that this is not guaranteed, that something will turn up.” Rasmus clasps me round the shoulders.

“Now you’re with the program Gandolt. Karl would you like to prove me right that this place is devoid of secret tunnels and passages” says Rasmus.

“Sure” ……………………..Two hours later………….”Rasmus was right, not even the sniff of a tunnel” says Karl.

“Stuff this I’m going to bed” I say and go and find a comfy bed to sleep in.

“He never said which watch he was taking” Says Brian.

“Let him have the last one, he seems tetchy, probably not getting enough sleep” says Rasmus.


In the morning


A fine day, although still very cold the sun is out making everything seem a little better, we have had a lovely breakfast of bacon and sausages, and we are just about to start the top up of the coffee when a calamitous noise erupts from the kitchen. We all look at one another.

“That needs checking out” says Hurl. We all look at him “I’ll go, just not on my own or at the front” he continues.

“I’ll go” I say

“Me too” says Rasmus. The three of us go to investigate the noise.

The kitchen door is shut so there is no way of knowing what is in there.

“On three?” asks Rasmus

“Okay” I reply.

“One, two” and I throw the door open and go inside “You agreed three” whines Rasmus.

“I was too excited, I couldn’t wait” inside the kitchen are ten orcs, five of them look like barbarian berserkers, three of them are definitely shamans and two archers. They all have wicked smiles on their faces.

“Time to die, you ………” one of them says, but before he could finish his sentence I had cast Dante’s fiery inferno of death ball, killing two of the shamans one of the archers and knocking two berserkers over and leaving them smoking with sooty faces. They are no longer smiling I hasten to add.

“Charge” Screams Rasmus at the top of his voices and rushes in attacking one of the berserkers. From behind me in the corridor I hear Hurl shout back up the stairs,

“ELP” he screams at the opt pof his lungs, and I am sure I hear Karl say

“That’s good ELP is dwarven for everything is fine down here and we have it all under control”

“I didn’t say ELP, I said Help now get your arses down here” I didn’t listen to anymore as I moved into the kitchen casting Cresendo at my attackers, Hurl tumbles in strikes one of them and then tumbles back again. Rasmus is surrounded by three of them and lashes out at one of them scoring a palpable hit but still the berserker stands. Karl rushes in and kills one of the singed berserkers fighting me, and Karl moves in killing the other, I seize this opportunity and rush forward casting colour spray at the shaman and remaining archer, killing the shaman. Hurl tumbles in strikes one of them and then tumbles back again. The archer attacks me and misses but the Orcs land blows on Rasmus. Karl attacks them with a flurry of his axe missing completely.

“Thanks Karl, it was getting a bit hot in this armour, that’s cooled me down a treat” shouts Rasmus

“Think nothing of it Rasmus, glad to help” replies Karl.

This fight is only going one way, and we are victorious. Turning on Karl and Rasmus, I say to them “I thought you said there were no secret tunnels, entrances, exists or passages of any description.”

“That’s right, they must have teleported in” Rasmus advises me. Stumped with such a plausible explanation, I concede the point.

We hear thousands of voices the orcs must be swarming the castle by now, so we leave the kitchen and encounter an orc horde in the corridor. We push through Karl and Rasmus cutting a path through them. Hurl secures the stairs and we make outside to the courtyard.

Above us elves are riding giant eagles, an elven army is attacking the orc army on its right flank, on the left flank is an army of dwarves, all around us are dwarves and elves all fighting our common enemy the orcs.

“Told you something would turn up, didn’t I Gandolt” says Rasmus beaming

“You did” I reply

“I love it when a plan comes together” Rasmus continues, I got to argue but realise it is pointless, he said something would turn up and it did.


We force our way to the stables and push the orcs back from there. We see the orcs pouring in from the main gate so we set our resolve to shutting the portcullis. Karl, Brian and Rasmus, cut a path and Hurl and I try to free the mechanism, I am forced back but give Hurl the moment he needs and he strikes the rope and the portcullis slams down.

A passage appears from nowhere and hundreds of Dwarves pour into the courtyard. Turning on Karl and Rasmus again, I reiterate “You said there were no passages or tunnels”

“Dwarven mining team, they are fast and efficient” replies Rasmus, once again I am stumped by this logical explanation. Looking down the tunnel the dwarves are running up I see lichen on the walls, the lit torches in their holders, the steps are rounded from years of wear.

“That looks like it has been made for some time” I say enquiringly

“Yeah, dwarven mining teams like to get the fine details right, we pride ourselves on it” Karl informs me.

“Sounds plausible, I suppose” I reply.

“What this tunnel mate” says one of the dwarfs, “That’s been around for at least fifty years”.

Rounding on Karl and Rasmus “Why you pair” my diatribe is interrupted by a woman’s scream. Spinning round we see a woman dressed in white being suspended by two trolls who like they are about to pull her in half. The dwarves go silent and avert their gaze.

“That’s Ceefax that is” says Brian

“Wrong side mate” says Rasmus “That’s the bloody Oracle” as one we move to fight the trolls as we get closer the trolls are obscuring a two shamans, and three soldiers.

I cast Force Salvo at all five of them but alas I only affect the shamans. They return the favour by casting magic that weakens us against orc weapons. Karl and Rasmus take on the trolls and Brian, Hurl and I are left with the other five. I cast ray of frost at one of the shamans and Brian casts his javelin spell and we kill him outright, Hurl tumbles in and kills the other Shaman. Meanwhile Karl puts his troll down with a mighty blow and follows that up by killing a soldier. Rasmus smites his troll killing him and he also takes out a soldier. The fight is over all but the mopping up.

Brian is checking the Oracle out, whether that means as to why she is lying on the floor not moving and trying to understand what her malady is, or what a lady looks like under her clothes we are not sure. She shoots straight up into the air and by Brian’s nervous jump it would appear he was doing the latter. Karl thinking quickly leaps into the air and grabs her ankle, both are now floating. Karl looks up and says

“It’s like a donkey yawning” The Oracles voice booms out.

“The heroes of the Goldman, will fight the orc General at a waterfall” as soon as she finishes her monologue a healing wave washes over us, refreshing us.

“Right if we move to a desert then we should live forever.” I say

“How do you know that the waterfall is not in the desert” says Karl.

“Fair point”

Outside the battle has turned and the allies are forcing the Orcs back, the dwarves who heard the Oracle’s words called for elven bird riders to carry us towards the main orc army. “Cheers for that”.


Deposited on an outcrop with orcs streaming to the left and right of us, we stand waiting. When a couple of half orcs, a wolf rider and two orc soldiers break from the swarm, and one of them says

“Ooh look if it ain’t the heroes, we will see how tough you are when I grind your….”

“Blah, Blah, blah, ba, blah, bring it on Susan”

We meet in the middle, and the fight is tough these are really tough orcs. But we finish them, I won’t say easily because that does not give them the respect they deserve for the hard fought fight they gave us. We are beat them and the orcs are still running.

To be continued………………………
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R4: 13th Age - Adventurer to Champion and beyond! 8 years 7 months ago #732

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Great game (Andy) and great write-up (Bane). :D

Looking forward to picking up the adventure next year.
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MellyMel - Thu 28 Mar - 16:30

i fancy mothership if there is space (get it?) - no actually i really do

Sarge - Thu 28 Mar - 15:00

Galleons players. Sant is running a Mothership RPG one shot tonight as Coriolis is off, come join the fun!

mikeawmids - Thu 28 Mar - 14:37

Perhaps Charlie Rumble will reach Cook Island after all....

Temrane - Thu 28 Mar - 13:07

galleons folks, no game tonight, work calls unfortunately! back next week

MellyMel - Thu 21 Mar - 15:38

i believe some new user(s) are awaiting authorisation. if so please recreate request as i've just deleted the russian bot swarm and your request might be spotted this time.

Inept - Thu 29 Feb - 17:07

Apologies decent guys... Hell has obviously inflicted itself on my van... It's broke. Won't be there tonight.

rhodsey - Tue 27 Feb - 09:09

I can't accomodate two sorry but I'm happy if they want to come and observe for a bit at least then see if there's a game while they are here.

mikeawmids - Mon 26 Feb - 17:36

Two people have contacted club through Facebook page to join a game. Can any of the R2 DMs accomodate two more new players?

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