TOPIC: Badlands

very good

Great posts Inept and Bane - Blue fate chips for you both!

Well the race is on , the train is accelerating and no one is controlling it , I rush forward but as I am about to run across the train , I feel a tugging on my trousers , thinking I have caught myself on a rung , I look down and find the preacher holding on to them , I am unsure if he is looking to convert or just trying to check the material of them , unfortunately the belt disintegrates under the added weight , the preacher falls and as I try to adjust my trousers and look at him he is hugging the underside of the interlocking metal rods , I ask him if he needs help but he says he is ok , I continue on holding my trousers as I go , next thing I know I am playing leapfrog with the preacher , I seem to get to the front but I can't get to the engine as the South and winters are there , they seem to be discussing how to stop the train , it seems that the south was trying to stop the it from leaning out the side of the train. The next thing I know is the train lurches off the tracks as the brakes are applied with careless abandonment. Then my faith in my demon is restored as he has led me to a dragon , thankfully the train Killed it , while I watch the south and winters take scales and teeth , I rush to get the fire glands , and once removed , i squirrel them away . It seems strange that winters and the south are not at home in the wild , so me and the preacher search the train for supplies , once we have cured the meat from the sheep , we rest up in the morning we start walking towards Denver . It is not long into the day before we are attacked by a baby dragon , thankfully it had no breath attack but the tail seems quite deadly . Once defeated we start heading towards Denver again

crusader_hank wrote:
Awesome really made me laugh.

The sun beats down creating shimmer haze, the dryness of the air bites at the back of the throat. Radagast and I try pointing out travelling at night may be the way forward, however Mr The South and Mr Winters with their expert knowledge of survival are not be deterred.
“If we travel at night how will we navigate” asked Mr The South?
“By the stars” I replied
“By the stars” He snorts “they don’t give enough light to see, I’d be tripping over things what utter nonsense, the sun rises in the South and sets on the North, everyone knows that, and that’s how we know which direction to go.”
“Er does it? I thought that was Civil War propaganda. In fact I thought it was a wide held belief that the sun actually rises in the East and sets in the West.”
“I think you will find yourself feeling quite foolish later on“ Mr The South said to me with a knowing smile. Radagast was fairing no better with Mr Winters
“It’s cold at night and hot during the day, right?” Says Mr Winters
“Er, yeah” agrees an unsure of where this is going Radagast
“So if we travel at night and sleep during the day, then I will be too hot in my blanket and not sleep. So it would make the carrying of this blanket pointless, and I don’t do pointless.” Exasperated we give up.

“It’s too hot” says Mr Winters for the millionth time
“My Grandaddy used to walk twenty miles into town each day wearing a three piece suit, a thick cotton shirt and woollen socks, just so he could fetch my me’ma an ice cream” points out Mr The South.
“Wasn’t your Grandaddy Tiberius South, the renowned and feared slaver, who used his slaves like sled dogs.”
“The very same”
“I see”
“I want some more water, give me that bottle” Mr Winter pulls the top off and glugs at the cool refreshing water.
“The way you are drinking that there won’t be enough left for a shower later” says Mr The South.
“I really think we should be conserving our water” says Radagast…………..


Much Later……………


Much, much later…………

“It’s too hot”
“You don’t hear me moaning Mr Winters” Says Mr The South.
“Er, that’s because he has a thick shirt, trousers, chaps and full length boots on, and you to be fair, are dressed as a German postal worker in the summer, with shorts and a thin cotton short sleeved shirt, ankle boots and long white socks. In fact as luck would have it you are actually dressed for this weather.”
“It’s too hot”
“Shut up”
“But it’s hot”
“After you have drunk thirty pints of water, and Mr The South has had two showers, because it’s what his Grandaddy told him to do to keep cool. I’ve just about had enough”
“SSSSHHHH”
“What”
“SSSSSHHHH” and Radagast points at a small town
“I’m sure the town can’t hear us, this far out, Radagast”
“But we may get supplies”
“So why do we have to SSSSSHHHH, we can just walk into town and ask for supplies”
“Because that’s worked for us so far” retorts Radagast
“Good point, well made”


“My feet hurt”
“Oh for the love of God”
We approached the town, and we first noticed a lack of people, followed by a lack of sound.
“Is that?”
“What?”
“That there” Mr The South points at a cactus
“It’s a deserter”
“Er it’s a Cactus”
“You see a cactus, I see a snivelling, dirty, rotten deserter, sorry gentlemen duty calls”
“It is a cactus, isn’t it?” I ask not sure of my own mind anymore
“Yup”
“That my friend is a cactus” Says Mr Winters tapping me on my shoulder.
“In which case, is he irony impaired with the word deserter?”
“Maybe” says Mr Ben
“What the…..”
“Where did you come from?”
“Who the duck are you?”
“I am Ben, your adventuring pal, that started out on this journey with you and I have come to close it with you.”
“Say wha!!”
“You look a bit like that, strange fella that we saw in the bar, that hung around the periphery but never actually spoke to us.”
“I remember, he shot an Indun.”
“The one on the roof” we said in unison
“Yeah we had to poke that corpse of the roof with ladders and a broom handle, it took us an hour”
“Yeah, good to see you again. Now where in all that is wholly”
“Holy” I point out
“Sorry, Now where in all that is holey”
“It’s Holy”
“Sorry preacher. Now where in all that is holy” I nod “Did you come from”
“Just there” Mr Ben points at nothing
“The Lord could have seen his way into bringing Mr The Man With No Name back, he was great, he did stuff”
“He was a real hero” Swooned Radagast, we all look at him “He was”
“Okay lets press on”

Five footsteps later.
“Can you hear that”
“HEAR WHAT!?” I shout over the noise I couldn’t hear.
“THAT SOUND LIKE A PACK OF WILD DOGS” Shouts Radagast for no apparent reason.
“Errmm, NO I CAN’T HEAR ANYTHING” I shout. Just then a pack of dogs run towards us with foaming mouths and red eyes.
“Where is Atticus Finch when you need him”
“Who?”
“Atticus Finch a fictional character in a futuristic setting, not too dissimilar to now, but set during something called the deep depression experienced by a United States of America, which is particularly hard felt in the South. The book deals with race in a humorous and heartfelt way but still driving home the issues, the book raises” says Radagast to everyone’s amazement / bewilderment.
“So what’s that got to do with dogs?” Asks Mr Winters
“”Er he has to shoot one”
“AHHHHH, now I see”

The dogs are rabidly approaching (did you see what I did there, a pun with the word rapidly, because the dogs are foaming at the mouth like they have rabies.)
“Oh, almighty powerful Lord, grant me your protection against the beasts of hell, unleashed upon us” I pray.
“Would be nice if you could do that for all of us rather than just yourself” says Mr Winters.
“Ah, but you only want the Lord when you have an ouchy, otherwise you couldn’t give two hoots” I reply.
“I was just saying it must be nice to be safe”
“It only works on evil”
“Oh well that’s perfectly acceptable then, so when you are fighting other people you are in just as much danger as everyone else”
“Unless they are Evil”
“Unless they are evil you are in just as much danger as everyone else” Pointing his gun at me.
“Look at this way Mr Winters, somebody needs to be left alive to mourn you”
“Oh I feel so much better now”
Bang! And he shoots the first dog
Bang ! Another dog drops!
Radagast’s cards appear in his hand and one of the dogs skin melts off.
Mr Ben shoots a dog and kills it.
“Oh, Almighty Lord, please give your servant your holy strength, to fight this hellspawn”
“Whenever you’re ready, we would really enjoy your involvement” Says Mr Winters as the dogs break round me like a wave round a rock.
“Look you do your thing, and I’ll do mine”
Bang! A dog leaping at Mr Winters’ throat is shot mid air
“Just saying a little help would be nice”
“I have been with you through thick and thin, every battle every fight and now you are moaning. But on a positive note I am now ready” I slice two dogs in half, followed shortly by a third. “Is that better for you?”
“Yeah thanks” Bang, bang Fizzle Fizzle, Bang.

The unfortunate dogs are dead, when a voice shouts out.
“Did you like my dogs?”
“They were alright” says Mr Winters
“I haven’t had chance to eat one yet” says Radagast, and everyone looks at him
“Er Okay”, says the voice this is the guy we have been chasing at least he never made it to Denver, so this is where the battle will be.
Mr Ben says “We will give you this one opportunity to surrender and hand over the stone”
“Let me think about it, Hmmmm Nah”

I like the logic here though so counter with “Listen, we are all God’s children right?”
“I suppose”
“So this is all part of his design, you me even Radagast here”
“Er Okay”
“So God has sent me as his servant, to do his bidding, which is to stop you, therefore you cannot win this battle, so you could save us all time effort and trouble by giving in now.” I could see he was swayed by these powerful words and sensible logic.
“If it’s all the same to you, I’d like to go through the motions”
“Ok chap. It’s your show” I reply.

He claps his hands together and bodies of the dogs rise up into the air and spin round as if in a cyclone. Quicker and quicker they spin round, rising up until it is all a blur and a sound like thunder shakes the ground as the animated bones turn into a dinosaur. It bites at me and picks me up trying to break me in two, it claws at me raking my flesh, I must confess it hurts a lot.

“Has God abandoned his servant, in this utmost hour of need?” asked Mr Winters. Whilst I was being thrown round like a rag doll I replied.
“No, it is all his design, I am supposed to be here. Possibly so I can……” I put all my strength and strength of the lord and prise apart the beast’s mouth, shattering the jaw hinge as the mandible clattered to the floor and me with it “Get free and now it can only gum us to death”
“Er, I don’t like the look of this, sorry guys I’m off. It’s been fun” Say Mr Ben.
“It’s been short”
“Come on Mr The Man With No Name.”
“Well Howdy!!” says Mr Hemmingway
“We asked for a hero and got you, sad sad face ” Says Radagast
“It is the Lords design, he has deemed Mr Hemmingway’s presence shall in some way help us to achieve our goal”
“Oh shut up, about designs”

Pew Pew, Hemmingway shoots at the rock, the sacred stone of the Indians , the one we said we would return safely to them so they would let the town stay, thrive and prosper. I start running up the hill towards the demented magic man to put an end to his nefarious ways. Mr Winters has a go at shooting the stone, he scores a hit but the stone doesn’t break and he holds on to it. Radgast draws his cards, we could actually feel the magic being drawn into the area.
“Mommy” Whimpers Mr Winters, Radagast casts and instantly knocks himself out, a cheer goes up as the most dangerous person is downed.
You have heard the phrase “The Enemy of my Enemy is my friend” well with Radagast “The friends of his Friends are his enemies

The Evil mage has a huge smirk on his face and casts his brand (very similar to Radagast’s) magic, his face was a perfect picture of surprise when his spell backfires and he hits himself.
“I’ve been round Radagast long enough to know the safest place to be is in front of you” and thrust my sword into him, somehow he turns the blow, he casts another spell. Fizzle Fizzle.

Meanwhile Mr Hemmingway and Mr Winters are evading the clumsy attacks of the dinosaur and still shoot at the stone. Pew Pew rings out sting and he hits the stone, everyone stops in amazement. We all stop fighting (including the evil mage and dinosaur) and form an orderly queue to shake his hand and congratulate him. When the pleasantries, medals and awards have been given out we resume our marks.

“Where were we, oh right” And I thrust my sabre at him, again he somehow manages to avoid it but he looks shaken. His magic is not working. This is also known as the Radagast effect, the fact that Radagast is in the vicinity of magic means it will not work and puts the user of such magic into mortal peril. Radagast wakes up and casts his brand of magic, I feel his spell hit me, but the Lord protects his servant again and I shrug it off. The evil mage casts another spell only for it to not go off. Once again I strike what should be a palpable strike only for him to evade it somehow. And he moves into shadow and disappears………

Will this ever be continued……….. Only time will tell…………

Great write up Steve.

Andy, thanks for running an excellent game, we really had a blast, literally, with Radagast! Hopefully we can come back to this at some future date...