Lor Strongarm, was a proud dwarf. He never considered himself a hero, he was just getting it done when he found himself at the wrong place at the wrong time. The stories and songs were all true, in fact if anything they were under embellished rather than over exaggerated. It was because of these legends and his fame he found himself in the predicament he was currently in.
“We’ll make camp here tonight” said Lor looking round stoically.
“Can we not push on for that small hamlet, I can see wisps of smoke from the chimneys, and you know what that means don’t you?” said the Prince from under the mountain.
“Yeah ruddy elves” said Lor under his breath.
“That’s right, F I R E” said the Prince putting real emphasis on the word fire. “Warmth, maybe even companionship”
Lor hated this assignment, babysitting a lazy poncy prince, who’s only hardship had been which boots to put on in the morning. Lor had put boots on with no soles, just to give the impression of being able to afford boots. The prince was trained in combat by the finest instructors, but the way Lor saw it, instructors were people who talked a good fight and had never actually been in one. When it came right down to it, bugger the gooseberry rules or whatever they are called, if the opportunity arises where you can kick ‘em in the stones then you do it.
“Right you are Sir. C’mon on you lot were pushing on for the hamlet and comfy beds and all the hospitality we can get!” a raucous cheer went up from some of the retinue, the Princes companions were looking forward to comforts of civilisation.
The special envoy to the elves and his entourage moved on towards the small hamlet but as they got nearer they realised this was actually a town. There were some stone structures the closer they got the more they could see that a lot of buildings were formed out of the natural area. The inn as you would call it was part of a hill, homes were in trees as well as being carved into them. The few stone structures gave the impression of being small, this as they found out was not the case.
They got rooms wherever they could and eventually they all had somewhere to sleep, the Prince was in the finer of the two Inns and had two adjoining rooms to himself, Lor had the room next to them.
Lor lay on the bed it was soft and enveloping, not as comfy as the floor, ruddy elves and their comforts.
“Come Lor let us avail ourselves to the elven hospitality I have heard so much about” said the Prince loud enough to travel through the wall. Lor got up, wishing he had been somewhere else when the council decided who was going on the Prince’s first diplomatic mission. Lor could sum the Prince up in one word, he had tried many single words and was not all that surprised that a lot of them fitted, but the one that fitted the best was “Ass” the boy was an ass.
They went downstairs and entered the bar, the table closest to the fire was taken by a group of elves smoking pipes. The prince looked at Lor and nodded towards them. Lor went over to the barkeep.
“The Prince under the mountain, has travelled long and hard and needs the warmth of the fire.”
“But those gentlemen and ladies, have also travelled a long way, and have the luxury of getting to those seats first.”
“Look pal, he’s a royal pain in my ass. He wants the fire, I’ll never hear the end of it if he doesn’t. If it’s any help we are on a diplomatic mission to meet with Eldgara. As a sweetner we’ll pay for their drinks, food and lodgings for tonight” Lor figured what would three more cost.
“I will ask sir”
“Thank you”
The bar keeper walked over and spoke to the elves by the fire. They looked at the two dwarves and got up signalling the table was free. The Prince with a look of glee of his face took his thick leather gloves off and slammed them down on the table taking a seat close to the fire. One by one the Prince’s retinue appeared and took seats appropriate to their station and importance to the mission. Lor was wishing he was in the other pub with the workers. Food and ale was flowing freely, the bar keeper got up.
“We have a rare treat, the most magnificent bard of our time, Leonas is here and singing for his keep.”
A long blond haired elf took to the stage and strummed on his lyre and sang a song of elven heritage, a tale thousands of years old. It was in elven but the melody and the purity and range of the voice was captivating and Lor enjoyed it immensely even though he only understood a few words of it. The prince however seemed enthralled and Lor knew he understood every word. At the end applause broke out. And the Prince shouted out.
“Play one about us Dwarves!”
Leonas replied “I only know two, I am afraid your highness.”
“Play one of those then” The minstrel played it was one of Lor’s songs sung in common with a few dwarven words thrown in. It was about his victory against the Drow against unsurmountable odds. Lor never liked to hear his own songs but even he had to admit this performance was brilliant. At the end of the song applause broke out.
“I thank you all for your kind applause. I leave you now for my dinner”.
The Prince who was getting seriously drunk was having none of this.
“Sir your voice is that of an Angel. Play us the other.”
“You are too kind, Prince under the mountain, but my throat is dry and my stomach is grumbling.”
“Are you refusing a royal command?”
“Sir” said Lor quietly
“I had no idea, I was performing under royal command” said Leonas, the room fell silent. “If you will excuse me”
“No.” said the Prince flatly, “I said play the other”
“Prince under the mountain, I fear I have forgotten too many of the words.” Said Leonas
“The good thing about songs is they come back when you get into them, now play.” Said the Prince like a spoiled child, who was getting his way. Leonas looked at the barkeeper who shrugged, Leonas sighed and sat back down.
“Please forgive me if I cannot quite remember it all, I will try my best. Please remember friends that this is being sung at the special request of Prince under the mountain, who has insisted upon hearing my only other song of the dwarves.” Leonas tuned his Lyre.
“This is the forgotten tale of the dwarves of the dam…….” He struck the cord and Lor, realised this minstrel had played well. He had refused to play, given excuses and only grudgingly given in, this was all on the Prince, and how they would be ridiculed.
“Sir, maybe we should” said Lor
“I want to listen to this other tale of dwarven heroism, now sit down and shut up.”
“…………… Though the names are lost in time,
the heroes are eternal in rhyme.
A goblin of cheeky disposition,
Bared his but in a squat position.
For his show of greenest butt,
he was shot for his rot.
The dwarves did find this funny,
and thought the goblin, had run back to his mommy.
Next for their amusement came a bard,
Not just a singer as he was quite hard.
This bought the others a pleasant distraction,
and waited for the dwarves reaction.
They loaded the Mortar with an exploding shell,
blowing the bard up, who fell back in the dell.
Over the wall goblins of barbarian and monk profession,
along with a wolf and a lizard, seeking retribution and confession.”
Back in the room laughter behind hands and sniggers were becoming audible. This song was banned in the dwarven halls, so the Prince had not heard it before.
Leonas played a little filler as he spoke “The next is the chorus and we visit it twice more, so listen carefully and join in on the other two”
“The bravest of dwarves were not there that day,
as the dwarves tried to run away,
from four goblins, an Ogre and lizard man,
their metal was tested on the dam,
Forty dwarves were outmatched,
and the dam was broken and trashed
by four goblins an Orge and lizard man,
Most would consider these unlikely heroes,
a warm up before your breakfast cheerios,
but not these dwarves and not this dam,
the dwarves were scared and so they ran.”
Leonas played a few notes signalling the end of the chorus.
“The dwarves laughed so hard that their bellies shook,
They didn’t see the rogue run up and use a grappling hook.
Up the dam to a pipe he climbed,
and the bard followed close behind.
Meanwhile on the top of the dam,
came two goblins a lizard, a wolf and a giant of a man.
The dwarves were rushed and attacked across the parapet on the level,
These goblins struck quick and hard, it was like being struck by a fey devil.
Under strong hits and blows of no mercy,
the goblins killed and stole their pursey.
One, two, three and four,
The goblins killed ripping gut and gore.
Upon the parapet a legion of dwarves,
In the goblins wake, they were strewn upon the floors.
This dwarven army of might and fear,
destroyed by gobbo’s of revere.
Back in the tunnels the goblin rouge and bard,
fought dragons, and drakes and other things very hard.”
Leonas played his fill again signalling the chorus.
“The bravest of dwarves were not there that day,
as the dwarves tried to run away,
from four goblins, an Ogre and lizard man,
their metal was tested on the dam,
Forty dwarves were outmatched,
and the dam was broken and trashed
by four goblins an Orge and lizard man,
Most would consider these unlikely heroes,
a warm up before your breakfast cheerios,
but not these dwarves and not this dam,
the dwarves were scared and so they ran.”
Breaking the tune again Leonas entered the final verse.
“The rogue and bard in a room appeared,
to them it seemed quite weird.
Filled with gnomes and winking lights,
these two brave goblins gave them a fight.
The control room destroyed and an explosion abound,
our heroes ran all the way back to the ground.
The dam did not erupt or destroy itself,
so back on top they found incendiaries upon a shelf.
They lit, ran and mounted a boat,
full of chickens upon the dry moat.
The lizard man stood on two planks of wood with rope,
waiting for the water to burst and they did all hope.
The explosion was a thing of beauty the water flowed,
the boat took off and our heroes never rowed.
Back to their home in the swamp and on the ground our heroes did flop,
as you don’t often hear of four goblins, an ogre and lizard coming out on top.”
Once again Leonas played his fill again signalling the chorus.
“The bravest of dwarves were not there that day,
as the dwarves tried to run away,
from four goblins, an Ogre and lizard man,
their metal was tested on the dam,
Forty dwarves were outmatched,
and the dam was broken and trashed
by four goblins an Orge and lizard man,
Most would consider these unlikely heroes,
a warm up before your breakfast cheerios,
but not these dwarves and not this dam,
the dwarves were scared and so they ran.”
The elves were in fits of laughter, literally rolling on the floor holding their sides. Lor never realised laughter could sound so painful.
The Prince Under the mountain was outraged.
“I want you to kill him Lor.”
“No, your highness” Lor replied.
“Are you disobeying a direct command, I’ll have you killed when you get back.”
“Then I won’t be going…” Lor never finished his sentence, as one of the elves who had previously occupied the table stood next to Lor.
“Your royal spoiltness, the child from under the mountain, I am Lord Eldgara. You are here on my hospitality, you would not want to insult me now would you.”
The prince looked like he had just been slapped.
“No Lord Eldgara.”
“Good” Lord Eldgara turned to Lor and passed him a piece of paper. “Lor your reputation and name are famed even with the elven enclaves. This missive says you are to leave him with me, his father wants me to iron out a few kinks in his son.”
“Are you sending me away.” Asked Lor
“No, not all you will always be welcome here. In fact you may enjoy it more if you do stay”
